Thursday, May 03, 2012

my unwanted acquaintance, part 6

The unwanted acquaintance I have dealt with for the past seven and a half years since I quit my job?

Mr. Anxiety.

Mr. Anxiety is a bastard.

He's not a friend. But he's not an enemy. He's just someone I have to deal with, unfortunately. He sometimes shows up unannounced and just lets himself into my house and makes himself at home. Jerk. Other times, I'll get warning that he's on his way and I dread his visit.

I hate Mr. Anxiety.

But that doesn't change the fact that he still shows up.

After I left my teaching job I continued to feel extreme anxiety all the time. It was affecting me so much I couldn't live my life. It was paralyzing. So I went to the doctor to take some tests and get advice. At the end of the visit, my doctor described how traumatic experiences in our lives throw off our brain chemicals. And when I quit my teaching job and my dreams of teaching were gone and I went through my identity crisis, my brain didn't know how to handle it all.

She asked if I knew anyone with diabetes. I said yes, I have a couple friends who have it. She said, "Well I want you to imagine you have diabetes. You would have to take insulin every day to regulate the sugar levels in your blood. What you have is severe anxiety and panic and I think some medicine will help regulate the chemicals in your brain. I would also like for you to meet with a counselor weekly and get to the root of all of this. And also, to learn some coping mechanisms for when you feel anxiety in the future."

Then, as she started to write on her prescription pad, she casually added, "Oh and this medicine also helps with depression." I looked at her like she was crazy. Obviously she didn't know me. I love life. I smile and laugh every day. Sure, I get sad, but I have never been depressed.

"Um, I don't need medicine for depression. Just the anxiety."

She stopped writing and looked kindly at me. "Well, sometimes those two go together."

Whatever. Sure.

She was right...

End of Part 6.

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