Monday, October 08, 2012

wedding blues

This past weekend, I went to the wedding of two of my college students, who are both 22. I was so excited about it. These two are quality, quality people. I got all dolled up and walked into the church smiling from ear to ear. I sat with some of my other college students and enjoyed the beautiful ceremony. When it finished, we all stood up to walk over to the reception hall. And that's when it began.

I felt ambushed by couples.

"Sarah! So good to see you. Did you come with anyone?"

"Hey Sarah! When are you going to join this bandwagon? Haha!"

"What a beautiful wedding. Your day will be coming soon."

"I just don't understand why someone as wonderful as you isn't married yet." 

"Don't worry, Sarah. *wink* He's out there somewhere."

"Oh Sarah! We have GOT to set you up with someone so you can have a special day like this."

What the HELL, people?! Let me just get some freakin' punch and sit down at a table.

My spirits, which had been soaring watching these two awesome people commit their lives to one another, were now in shambles. This wedding wasn't about me at all. And yet, there I was...unable to enjoy the reception and feeling sad because of those comments.

Most of these couples are between 30-60 and are friends from church or parents of some of my college students. I know they love me. I know they mean well. They always do. But for the love of God, do they not realize how comments like that make me feel? I don't want people to feel bad for me. I don't want people to pity me. I don't want their comments. I already struggle every day with those thoughts and doubts and I'm constantly battling Satan who tries to make me feel worthless and unwanted. Their words are like salt in a wound.

Their comments actually made me think of this scene from Bridget Jones Diary.

This movie came out in 2001 when I was 24. At the time, I laughed at poor Bridget's embarrassment and thought, "Oh man, I'm so glad I won't have to deal with this. I will definitely be married by 30."

And here I am, 35, single, and going to weddings of my 22 year old college students. And feeling like everyone is looking at me like, "Why isn't she married? What's wrong with her?"

I came home and cried and then wiped my tears and put on my brave face. Again.


Laura McKissack said...

I love you Sarah Marsh! I love you, I love you, I love you. You are INSPIRING. Not because your in you 30s and still single and haven't jumped off a bridge, but because you did go home, cry, and put that brave face on. Thank you for this post and for being you. And know that you are SO not alone and let's make a pact to never say these things to singles when we are off and married!!

Smarshie said...

Wow, Laura, thank you. Your words were honestly just what I needed to hear. I will NEVER say any of those things to single people because I know the sting I have felt every time something like that has been said to me.

I love you, too! It was so fun seeing you at Bianca's par-tay. Hope you are well, friend.