Thursday, February 16, 2012

the dentist

I have decided to blog about the dentist.

I went this week and realized there's just too many observations about a dentist visit to not write something.

First step, sit in the long chair and get slowly tilted back. Like heyyyyy, just relaxxxxxx....

The bright light gets switched on.

You and the dentist makes small talk.

You're awaiting the pain to come. (or is this just me?)

What's that? Oh, I'm due for new x-rays.

Your mouth has to hold in these hard discs while the dentist scurries into the other room to click the picture. Wait, why do YOU get to leave the room? Am I getting radiation poured into me?? Then the dentist comes in and takes out the disc, gagging you in the process. Before you can swallow down the vomit and saliva threatening to spew forth, they are already shoving the disc into another part of your mouth. *more gagging*

With x-rays done, now comes the scraping and prodding. Let's briefly talk about the tongue during this time. Hopefully we all try to make it stay still at the bottom of our mouths. But I would not be at ALL surprised if our dentist talks with their co-workers at lunchtime about us. "You should have SEEN the patient I had earlier today! Her tongue could not sit still for a moment! It was all over the place." (Sorry! It doesn't know what to do!)

Now when you're laying in the lounge chair and your dentist is going to town on your pearly whites, eye contact becomes tricky. You can not, under any circumstance, make eye contact with your dentist. Awkward. So your eyes end up darting all over the room. Look up at the ceiling. Boy, this florescent lighting is really bad. Look to my left. Ew, that's quite a graphic picture of what your teeth look like if you don't floss. Look away. Ack! I accidentally made eye contact with the dentist! Quick, look away. Ack! I accidentally looked at her boobs. Quick, look down. Why, in God's green earth, did I wear these awful shoes today?

And if you're lucky enough to have a cavity that needs to be filled, the real fun begins! All the big metals tools start coming out.

Bill Cosby shares what happens much better than I ever could:

P.S. Why do dentists floss after every cleaning? I have never understood that.


Ash-Matic said...

I just blogged about the dentist too, and since then I've also stumbled upon another dentist-hater.

What is it about dental surgery that makes everyone want to write about it? It must be either because it's so boring we need to reclaim those wasted minutes, or so horrific that we need to share the pain around.

Stupid dentists. Leave my teeth alone.

No, wait, I didn't mean it.

Smarshie said...

Ok Ash-Matic, first of all, you're hilarious. I just read your blog on the dentist and I was dying. I especially liked the picture at the end.

I forgot to mention my dentist dropped the polisher tool on the ground while she was working on my teeth. I freaked out. She cleaned it but I still got the jibblies thinking about all the germs from the floor were now in my mouth.

I am definitely a "dentistohater".