Wednesday, August 17, 2011

dads, love your daughters

Do you like John Mayer's songs? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I really like "Dreaming With A Broken Heart", "The Heart Of Life" and especially his live acoustic version of "Free Falling". But I'm not a fan of songs like "Your Body Is A Wonderland". You wanna swim in a deep sea of blankets? Sounds a bit suffocating. Oh what, you're looking at her "bubblegum tongue"? That's weird, John.

Anyway, the reason I bring up Mr. Mayer is because of a lunch I had today with a student. I sat in horror as this 18 year old girl told me what has happened in her life to bring her to where she is today.

When she was 3, her grandfather began sexually abusing her. When she was 6, her father started physically and verbally abusing her. He never told her he loved her. He never told her he was proud of her. He never did anything but hurt her in every way. She spent her childhood in and out of the emergency room.

Her parents got divorced and she went to live with her mom. Her mom has multiple sclerosis and was so busy dealing with her life she became neglectful of her daughter. Because of this, this 18 year old went through high school eating ramen noodles 3 times a day.

And now, across the table from me with her eyes filled with tears, she tells me why we're meeting. She met a guy from the college group 2 months ago and they started going out. He wasn't a Christian and was actually stoned the night they met. He told her he loved her. And because she had grown up with a daddy who never told her he loved her, she was desperate for any man's love. All she had known was abuse and neglect. And here was a guy who told her he loved her. She gave him all of herself. Anything to keep him. Anything to have him stay and keep telling her he loved her.

They broke up a week after they started dating.

And last week she found out she is pregnant.

If she tells her mom, she will get kicked out of her house and have nowhere to go.

You can stop reading if you're already having a bad day. But I freaking hate this world sometimes. We are so messed up. I hate seeing these girls so broken. Sometimes it's because of their choices. Sometimes things happened they had no control over. But when I see them so young and so hurt, my heart breaks. It breaks.

In my mind, all I can think is, how DARE a man abuse his daughter. How DARE he not shower his little girl with love and hugs and sweet words. HOW DARE HE.

That's where John Mayer comes into this. Do you remember that song "Daughters"? It's so random to think of a John Mayer song at a time like this, but it kept popping into my head when we were talking. This is the part that stuck out to me: "On behalf of every man looking out for every girl, you are the guide and the weight of her world. So fathers, be good to your daughters. Daughters will love like you do."

Dads, LOVE your daughters. Her view of men (and how she views herself) will be formed by the way her father treats her growing up. And even more than that, her view of her Heavenly Father will be formed by observing her earthly father.

I feel like I'm barely scratching the surface here. I could blog about this for another 5 pages. But I am so angry and upset so I think I will stop here.


Smarshie said...

Just wanted to let you guys know that we definitely talked about Romans 8:28. And we talked about different people in the bible where God took bad situations and made them good. Used them for His glory in His ways.

I'm glad she opened up to me. I'm glad we were able to talk about everything and I could pray for her.

But that wasn't the point of the blog.

I just freakin' wish all dads would love their daughters.

Jody said...

I don't know what to say, Sarah. I am glad she had you in her life and I pray she will be able to heal from everything she has been through. I wish more people understood how crucial a father's love and attention is for their kids.