Thursday, March 19, 2009

too many emotions

In the book (and movie) Peter Pan, it is said that fairies are so small that they can only have one feeling at a time. Lately, I wish it could be that way for humans. I'm exhausted. Here are some emotions I've been dealing with:

Tired and weary. It's been a long two weeks. Not getting a whole lot of sleep.

Bummed. Our annual spring break trip to Mexico (to build homes) has been cancelled, due to all the drug war violence at the border.

Upset. We've put so much time into this trip and it was all for nothing. All the planning, meetings, calling, organizing, coordinating, emailing, processing, raising money, applications, paperwork, health forms, passports, etc. You can't help but feel like it was wasted time. Hours and hours that we could have used on a million other things.

Uplifted. Finding an alternative trip we can do during spring break with Center for Student Missions. Working with the homeless at Skid Row in South Central L.A.

Lamed out/disappointed. The high school and college students who bailed out for reasons like "But it's not Mexico" or "My friends aren't going, so I'm not going." Hey, I'm bummed we can't go to Mexico either, people, but we can still serve! Just in a different place. However, the facts are: we've gone from 60 people to 20.

Sad. Thinking about all the families in Mexico who will not have new homes. Why did all this drug war stuff have to happen NOW?! The timing is awful. And we are just one of many churches that has pulled out for safety reasons. That means many, many families will not be getting homes. And I've seen what they live in. My heart breaks.

Frustrated. Working through some stuff with my student leaders and we are just not getting each other. How do we help each other understand?

Discouraged. Lots of stuff is going on at work. Had a couple meetings today about different things. Left them feeling like a horrible worker, employee, boss, and leader. Many tears fell today.

I am feeling all of these emotions and MORE.

Too many.

However.

I'm searching for moments of joy in the midst of all this.

Like dancing in my hip hop class, wearing green and eating St. Patrick's Day chocolate cream pie on Tuesday, surprise gerbera daisies given to me by a friend, catching up with my roomates who I feel I haven't seen in a long time, singing happy birthday to my sister on the phone, sitting outside in the beautiful sun (with an ocean breeze keeping the temperature perfect), watching LOST (my favorite show), having a picnic lunch at the park with a good friend, discovering my new obsession with those little Clementine "Cuties" (mini-oranges), walking barefoot in grass, having a marshmallow fight with college students at the end of Wed. night, finding a new band I really like, spending all day tomorrow with Judah.

3 comments:

Amy said...

Rest in the Lord Sarah, seek His words and His plans and He will give you peace. Read Psalm 33, it's very encouraging..."May your unfailing love rest upon us, oh Lord, even as we put our hope in you."

Emily B said...

Praying for you, sweet friend. Lift up your heart. This too, shall pass.

Smarshie said...

Thank you for your encouragement, ladies!