not again

I remember where I was when the 1989 Loma Prieta earthquake hit. I remember what I felt when I saw on the news the sadness of Columbine in 1999. I remember the shock that registered through me when a friend told me the horror in the morning of 9/11. I remember standing in the living room and watching the Indonesia tsunami in Dec. '04 and then Hurricane Katrina in Aug.'05. These country (and world) events stay with me. I remember them vividly.

And now, sadly, I have a new one.

I came home from Mexico last night and was so tired, I couldn't even put words together to form coherent sentenes for my roomates. I went to bed and didn't wake up till noon today. I was still so incredibly tired. "Gosh, what an amazing week," I was thinking. "These high school and college students built 5 houses. We all bonded as a family. There were no major illnesses, accidents, car problems. Such an awesome experience!"

Because I had planned to not leave my bed all day, I grabbed my laptop and went to check my email. As I got on yahoo, my heart stopped. WHAT?! A school shooting? Virginia Tech? 33 people dead and more than 15 injured? How could this happen???

It felt so surreal. Here I was, recovering from an incredible mission trip and feeling so tired and weary...and the first day back, I am reading about the worst shooting rampage in our nation's history.

I was watching the news and they showed about 20 seconds of someone's cell phone video capturing the sounds of the gunfire inside a school building. I seriously felt like I was going to throw up. And then a half hour later, they played it again. STOP! I felt like back at 9/11 when the news kept replaying the scenes of the planes hitting the towers over and over again. I wanted to look away or turn the TV off, but I couldn't. I felt so sick to my stomach.

I am so sad.

I don't get our world.