hell on earth?

I've started going to the college/young adult group at church the past two weeks - not leading it, but being an adult mentor. The group has been studying the Nicene Creed and this past week the topic was salvation. And something we talked about has stayed with me.

First, here's a video we watched. This is Penn Jillette (of "Penn and Teller" fame). Penn is an magician illusionist in Las Vegas and an extremely outspoken atheist. He sometimes even writes "There is no God" under his autograph for fans. This video is from 2008 which Penn recorded after a show.



Something he said around the 3 minute mark hit home:

"I've always said that I don't respect people who don't proselytize. I don't respect that at all. If you believe that there's a heaven and hell and people could be going to hell or not getting eternal life or whatever, and you think, 'Well it's not really worth telling them this because it would make it socially awkward...' and atheists who think that people shouldn't proselytize (ie. 'Just leave me alone, keep your religion to yourself...'), how much do you have to hate somebody to NOT proselytize?

How much do you have to hate somebody to believe that everlasting life is possible and not tell them that? I mean, if I believed beyond a shadow of a doubt that a truck was coming at you and you didn't believe it (that the truck was bearing down on you), there's a certain point where I tackle you. And this is MORE important than that."  --Penn Jillette

Here is a staunch atheist who was touched by one man who took the time to talk to him after a show. This man showed he cared about Penn and gave him a bible. And what does Penn take away from that? "That was a good man." That guy might not have changed Penn's mind on anything, but it struck something in Penn to make him share in a vlog about the experience.

After watching that clip, our speaker asked, "What is hell?" After some discussion, we agreed on what most Christians would say: hell is eternal separation from God. That should be reason enough to share Jesus with our neighbors. (Not that we scare them with fire and brimstone talks about hell). But if we believe that is what awaits people who don't know Jesus, wouldn't we want to be more bold with the gospel?

But our speaker took it one step further. "It's not just separation from God after we die. If people don't have Christ in their lives...can't that be hell on earth?" I let that soak in. He's right. A life on earth without God would be hell. I would be separated from God.

I thought back on all the times in my life when I went through hard times. If I didn't have God, I don't know where I would be. Or if I would have made it. I also thought back to all the times in my life where I had such joy, peace, or hope which I knew came from the Lord. What about all the people on this earth who don't know God? They are separated from him. Sure, they might feel happy at times, but it's fleeting. They wouldn't know the freedom and blessing and purpose that comes from a life with Christ.

What Penn said might sound harsh, but it's true. How much do I have to hate someone to NOT share the good news of Jesus with them? Why do I worry about what they'll think of me, or if it's socially awkward, or if I do a bad job at sharing? If people are experiencing hell on earth (and will be spending eternity separated from their loving Heavenly Father), why wouldn't I say something?

bullet points

Time for another bullet-point post.

* Time seems to have sped up since getting home from Maui.

* I miss Maui.

* Work has been going really well lately.

* Got food poisoning last Saturday night. I thought I was going to die.

* I'm re-reading one of my favorite novels, "The Poisonwood Bible" by Barbara Kingsolver. So good!

* My dad had surgery on his shoulder (he tripped and fell on it when we were in Maui - poor guy) and it was successful. Now he has about 6 weeks of recovery/physical therapy. This picture was taken right before surgery. What a ham.

* Baseball season is right around the corner!! Squeeee!!

* I am planning a trip to So. Cal to see my 6 month old godson soon. His cheeks need my kisses.

* About a year and a half ago, I had two crowns put in on the bottom right side of my mouth. On Tuesday, I was chewing gum and one came right out! Ack! So I went into the dentist Wednesday to get it cemented back in. It hurt like a mother! I'm so glad that's over.

* I died laughing at trivia the other night becauseI knew the movie with this quote: "And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty." My team thought I was nuts. (Know which movie this is from? Leave it in the comments.)

* For two weeks we had summer weather. 75 degrees, sunny, lovely. In February! But this past week has been rainy and cloudy. It's kind of nice. And I know we need it.

* My biggest news: tonight was my first night as an adult mentor at the college/young adult group. To understand, you can read this and this. I haven't been to the group since I changed jobs 6 months ago. But Adam (the young adult pastor) and I met last week and he said if I wanted to come back, they'd love to have me. I prayed about it and realized, yes, it was time. I was ready. I missed seeing the students. It will never be the way it used to be. And it will be weird not being the leader of the group. But that is okay.

Les Misérables movie review

With the Academy Awards tomorrow night, I wanted to do a movie review of one of the movies that is up for Best Picture. It is a film adaptation of my favorite musical: Les Misérables.

I must share that I entered the movie theater with some hesitations. In the past 10 years, we've had some really good adaptations of musicals to movies (Hairspray and Chicago come to mind) and some not-so-good adaptations (I didn't love Rent or Phantom of the Opera). Because Les Miz is my favorite musical of all time, all I kept thinking was, "Please don't screw it up....please don't screw it up...PLEASE don't screw it up..."

I loved it. 

And when I say I loved it, I mean it wrecked me.

I wept throughout the whole movie and felt so much emotion that it took me a few days to recover. 

Basically picture me in the movie theater for 2 and a half hours like this:

And I wasn't even smart enough to bring tissues with me. So my sister and I had to use napkins that were covered in popcorn butter.

But I loved this movie.

First of all, the book, musical, movie, and story have amazing themes. Love, sacrifice, running from your past, redemption, bravery, friendship, standing up for what's right, and the main theme that weaves itself through the whole thing: law vs. grace. Inspector Javert represents the LAW. No grace, no mercy. Jean Valjean represents a man who is given grace at the beginning of the story and spends his whole life giving the same grace to others, while trying to evade the LAW (Javert).

Ok, let me highlight all the times I cried in the movie. Warning: SPOILERS! Do not read if you haven't seen the musical or movie. 

* First time crying: when the bishop gives Valjean the silver candlesticks. 

the bishop

Valjean

Valjean had been a prisoner for 19 years for stealing a loaf of bread (for his sister and her children because they were so poor) and then trying to escape from prison. When he is put on parole, he is branded an outcast and his passport (identification card) is yellow colored—identifying him to all as a former offender. Everywhere he goes, no one will hire him or give him food. He finally comes across a bishop who lovingly invites him into his home, feeds him, and gives him a place to sleep. How does Valjean repay him? He steals the bishop's silver and runs away.

However, he is caught by the police and brought back to the bishop's house. Instead of sending Valjean back to prison, the bishop gently says, "No, you don't understand. I GAVE the silver to him. And my friend, why did you forget the candlesticks, too?" He proceeds to put them in Valjean's bag and tells the policemen they may go. Valjean is stunned, he can't even speak. When the world has done nothing but hurt him and break him and make him a monster...one man shows him grace.

Me

After the policemen leave, the bishop turns to Valjean and challenges him to change his life.

"And remember this, my brother. See in this some higher plan. You must use this precious silver to become an honest man. By the witness of the martyrs, by the passion and the blood, God has raised you out of darkness. I have bought your soul for God."

* Second time crying: the song Valjean sings right after the bishop does this - "What Have I Done?"

Valjean can't comprehend grace. He has never experienced it. He sings:

"Yet why did I allow that man to touch my soul and teach me love? He treated me like any other. He gave me his trust. He called me 'brother'. My life he claims for God above. Can such things be? For I had come to hate the world, this world that always hated me.  

'Take an eye for an eye! Turn your heart into stone!' This is all I have lived for. This is all I have known.

One word from him and I'd be back...beneath the lash upon the rack. Instead he offers me my freedom. I feel my shame inside me like a knife. He told me that I have a soul. How does he know?"

The words of this song pierce me. What must it have been like? To know nothing but pain and fear and despair. And then someone shows you kindness and love that you did NOT deserve. How do you respond? How can someone comprehend the beauty and craziness and unfairness of grace?

* Third time crying: Fantine.

Ok, Anne Hathaway better win Best Supporting Actress for her role as Fantine because she was perfection. Fantine is such a sad character. I mean I should expect it because the title of the movie literally translates to "The Miserable Ones", but it's still tragic. Fantine is a young woman who works at a factory in a town where Jean Valjean is the mayor (this is years later and Valjean has changed his name and is now an honorable man.) She fell in love with a man and they had a child together. But then he abandoned them and she was unable to take care of their daughter, Cosette, alone. So she sent Cosette to live with an innkeeper, his wife, and their young daughter, Eponine. All the money she makes at the factory she sends to the innkeeper. Little does she know the innkeeper is corrupt and sends her letters filled with lies about how they need more money because Cosette is always sick or needs new clothes. The reality is Cosette lives in rags, is a slave in their inn, and is abused greatly.

Fantine loses her job at the factory when her co-workers (and the factory manager) find out about her illegitimate child. She cannot find other work and is forced to sell a precious locket, her hair, and even some of her teeth. And finally, she becomes a prostitute. After sleeping with a man who flips her a coin as he leaves, she sits up and sings "I Dreamed A Dream", one of the more popular songs from the musical. It really showed Fantine at her lowest of lows. Her love left her, she can't be with her daughter, she has lost her job, her beauty, and now her innocence.

"I had a dream my life would be so different from this hell I'm living. So different now from what it seemed. Now life has killed the dream....I dreamed."

This song was shot in ONE take. It gave me goosebumps and I wept throughout the whole thing. It showed Anne's face in close-up and you caught the pain in every note and expression. Absolutely heart-wrenching.

Me

And THEN she is in the hospital because she has gotten very sick. While she lays there dying, she is hallucinating and sees her beautiful young daughter playing in the room. She sings out to her as if she's there.

"Cosette, it's turned so cold. Cosette, it's past your bedtime. You've played the day away and soon it will be night. Come to me, Cosette, the light is fading. Don't you see the evening star appearing? Come to me and rest against my shoulder. I will sing you lullabies and wake you in the morning."

I lost it. Tears, tears. Fantine reaches out a hand to Cosette and Cosette stands up and walks toward her but then slowly disappears as Fantine dies. Cannot. Handle. It.

Me

* Fourth time crying: Eponine's unrequited love for Marius

I have ALWAYS loved Eponine. She is my girl. I relate to her so much. I could never stand adult Cosette. She's boring. What does she do? NOTHING. She's blonde and sings too high and is boring. Have I mentioned she's boring? Pardon my French (Haha, get it? This movie takes place in France?) but Eponine KICKS ASS! She loves Marius, but alas, it is unrequited. Marius sees Cosette one day and instantly falls in love with her - boooooooo! He uses Eponine to find out where she lives (dagger in heart) and deliver love letters (now twist the dagger). And then Eponine has to stand back and watch Cosette and Marius sing a beautiful song promising their love to each other. Why does she do those things for Marius? Because sometimes you can't help who you love. And it hurts. I've been there, girl.

And THEN she has to go sing one of my favorite songs in the pouring rain: "On My Own".

"Sometimes I walk alone at night when everybody else is sleeping. I think of him and then I'm happy with the company I'm keeping. The city goes to bed and I can live inside my head. On my own, pretending he's beside me. All alone, I walk with him till morning. Without him, I feel his arms around me and when I lose my way I close my eyes and he has found me. I love him but every day I'm learning: all my life I've only been pretending. Without me, his world will go on turning. A world that's full of happiness that I have never known. I love him. But only on my own."

And here's me, watching her sing.

A "revolution" starts and male students build a barricade. While the students and French soldiers are shooting at each other, Marius climbs down a bit to pick up a powder keg. A French soldier climbs up the barricade to shoot him. Suddenly another student comes out of nowhere and covers the muzzle of the soldier's gun with his hand. The soldier fires, fatally shooting the student, while missing Marius. Meanwhile, the French soldiers are closing in. Marius climbs to the top of the barricade, holding a torch in one hand and a powder keg in the other. He threatens that if they don't back down, he will blow up the barricade and they will all die. The soldiers retreat. When Marius goes to find the man who saved his life, he realizes it was...Eponine. She secretly dressed as a boy so she could fight and be near him.

She sacrificed her life for him.

They sing "A Little Fall of Rain" and she dies in his arms.

(Ahem, what did Cosette do for Marius? NOTHING. I don't see her fighting or taking a bullet for the man she loves. She's boring. Eponine is a hero and Marius is an idiot.)

* Fifth time crying: Marius singing "Empty Chairs At Empty Tables".

Again, just like Fantine's song, this one was done in close-up and almost all in one take. Therefore we got to see every bit of sadness and grief upon Marius' face as he sings. All his friends died at the barricade and he only survived because Valjean dragged him through the sewers to save him (because he knew Cosette loved Marius).

"Oh my friends, my friends, forgive me that I live and you are gone..."

* Sixth time crying: Valjean's death.

As he nears death, he imagines Fantine singing to him and bringing him to heaven. Valjean realizes he finally gets to leave this life of running from Javert and living in fear that he will be caught. He gets to be free of all his pain and sadness and go to heaven. As he gets up to leave, he also sees the bishop welcoming him toward heaven. Which then reminded me of the beginning of the movie when the bishop changed his life with his act of love, grace, and kindness. *tears* And then the whole cast sings "Do You Hear The People Sing" and you see all the people who died (and there are a LOT) singing along. Which of course leaves me like this:

Other great things about the movie:

* Sacha Baron Cohen and Helena Bonham Carter as the innkeeper and his wife. They were PERFECT casting.
* The girl who played little Cosette
* Enjolras, Marius' best friend and leader of the student revolution. His real name is Aaron Tveit and he is from Broadway. And a babe. I met him when I was in NYC two summers ago.

 Not-so-great things about the movie:

* Russell Crowe as Javert. He had one expression the entire movie. And he sang like his mouth was full of cottonballs.
* Amanda Seyfried as adult Cosette. I'm sorry but I cannot see this girl and NOT think of Mean Girls. I just can't. And she was not a good choice for Cosette. Cosette sings super high soprano and Amanda's voice doesn't go that high naturally so she sounded too trill-y on the high notes.
* "Bring Him Home" - this is the song Valjean sings to God, asking Him to save Marius' life during the revolution. He knows Marius loves Cosette and he would take care of her if anything should happen to Valjean. In the musical version, this song is very slow and very heartfelt. In the movie version, Hugh Jackman sort of shouted it, and it was much faster than I remembered. I loved Hugh Jackman as Valjean, but this was the only song of his I didn't really care for.

So there's my review, friends! Feel free to leave comments to any of these questions. Have you seen the movie? What were your thoughts? Do you prefer the musical or the movie? What theme stood out to you the most in the movie? Who do you love more - Cosette or Eponine? (Please don't say Cosette.) Did you have a favorite song? Did you cry as much as I did? Should Anne Hathaway win the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress? Why do you think Russell Crowe eats cottonballs before he sings?

Maui memories

Hi friends. I'm home from Maui. This vacation was so good. It was good for my soul. I felt my body calm down. I felt my thoughts calm down. I felt myself breathe. I slept, ate, read, snorkeled (with my sea turtles), ocean kayaked (and saw humpback whales), went into town and shopped and had fun dinners with my fam, I walked along the beach, I saw rainbows, I put flowers in my hair, I wore a skirt every day. Here are a few pictures from the trip.

Woke up at 5:45 a.m. to fly to Maui (how cute are my nephews?)

This green sea turtle pushed himself out of the ocean to take a nap on the rocks.

one of our fun family dinners in Lahaina

ocean kayaking

palm tree, ocean, clouds, rainbow, love

I also have 2 fun videos to share. The first is a video of me snorkeling with my sea turtle friends. I love them. They are "gentle giants" of the sea. And when they are this big (6-7 feet), they are OLD. Like maybe 100 years old.



The second video was from kayaking. February is humpback whale season. They migrate down from Alaska and the ocean was brimming with them. As we were kayaking, one swam right by us (about 20 feet away).



And now I am back. Back to life, back to reality. However, I am very thankful for this trip. It seriously came at such a good time.

Aloha Maui

My family and I are going on an eight day vacation to Maui. We leave Monday. Can I just say that the timing of this trip (which was planned last summer) could NOT have come at a better time?? I truly believe the ocean breezes, rainbows, sunsets, flower-scented air, and snorkeling with 7-foot sea turtles will bring peace and restore rest to my soul.

It's been a hard month.

Nay, it's been a hard year.

Here's my theme verse for the trip:

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered these trials for a season, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." -1 Peter 5:10

Aloha Maui.

it's ok to not be ok

Two weeks later and I am finally ready to share about why things were so hard after Christmas. Let me share two quick points of backstory:

* There's a little joke my sisters and I have. My older sis is the only one married and with kiddos. Which means she gets up when her sons get up. It could be 5 a.m. after a night of no sleep because the boys kept waking up...and she is up and at 'em. I have so much respect for her. How do parents do it?! I guess you just live with coffee running through your veins 24/7. Anyway, the joke is that during holidays, my younger sisters and I will emerge from our bedrooms after enjoying a nice morning of sleeping in and my poor older sis has been up for hours. "You 3 will never be mothers!" she jokes. "You love sleep too much!" Which is so true. Us younger 3 are big sleepers. Sleeping is one of my favorite hobbies. I love sleep so much, I wish I could marry it. And I've noticed the older I get, the more I love it (and need it). I guess it's smart that most people have kids in their 20's. Get those sleep-deprived years out of the way before you reach your 30's and 40's and really need those nights of uninterrupted slumber.

* Second piece of backstory: Older sister, her husband, and two boys moved after Christmas. Their previous neighborhood wasn't safe so they packed up and moved to a nearby city where the crime rate is much lower. A bunch of people from our family drove over one day to help them unpack. Or in my case, watch the boys while other people unpacked.

Ok, that brings me to what happened. The "15-tissue-issue".

I was in the family van, driving with everyone to Amy (sister) and David's (her husband) new place. We had woken up really early to get over there and I hadn't slept well the night before. I think it was a mixture of helping the parents clean the house, seeing lots of relatives the past few days, being in the post-holiday spirit, and having a million thoughts running through my mind. Whatever the reason, I probably only got 3 or 4 hours of sleep by the time we woke up to go. So I was in the van and I started to feel a bit anxious. WHY? What did I have to be anxious about? Nothing. But I've noticed that when I don't sleep a lot (or sleep well), I'm more prone to anxiety. It doesn't mean I'll automatically have anxiety, I'm just more prone to it. Like if you don't get enough sleep, your body's defenses are down and you're more prone to get sick.

I was trying to mentally calm myself down, when a horrible thought came to my mind. "Oh my gosh, it's true...I will never be able to be a mom. If this is how I feel after ONE night of not sleeping, how am I supposed to handle years of not sleeping?" I've seen all my friends and my sister deal with that - sleep deprivation sucks, big time. It's part of parenting. But I just don't think I can do it.

Well, that escalated to me thinking, "Oh my gosh...I will never get married." Because no guy is going to want to marry someone who not only struggles with anxiety but someone who doesn't want to bear his children.

And then that escalated to, "Oh my gosh...I am going to end up alone."

Aaaaaaaand cue the anxiety attack.

Awesome.

My parents and aunts were talking and laughing in the van and I was silently suffering and crying and trying to ignore the thoughts that were resounding through my head.

I will never be a wife. I will never be a mom. I will be alone my whole life.

Needless to say, I didn't stay long at Amy and David's. I felt so bad leaving early. But I couldn't really function. The next day, the sadness came. Because I get sad over what made me anxious in the first place. After a couple days of that, it was time to call my counselor and make an appointment.

I went in and prefaced things by saying, "Ed. I'm a mess."
He said, "Sarah...be a mess."
"Ed, I'm going to cry. A LOT."
"Sarah...(*pointing*)...there are the tissues."

15 tissues were used during our hour session as the words came flying out of my mouth. He listened quietly and patiently as I poured out my thoughts, feelings, and fears. Finally I finished and he spoke.

"Sarah, you're grieving."

Huh?

"Your life is different from how you pictured it. You thought you'd be married at 24 and having kids at 26. You thought you'd be where all your friends are - married, kids, dog, mortgage. And that is not how your life has gone. You had expectations for your life, like we all do. And things have not worked out the way you thought or planned. And you are grieving. You are grieving those dreams. Those hopes. Those expectations. You're not ok. And it's ok to not be ok. Let yourself grieve."

You guys, I LOVE my counselor. In just 2 minutes he validated all my feelings, didn't make me feel foolish for having those thoughts, and gave me permission to be sad. Permission to not be ok. Because this IS a big deal.

If you are married or have kids, don't forget to thank God for those blessings (even when they're driving you insane). You have no idea how much I long for those things. How many years have gone by where I have watched boys I like go on to like and marry other girls. Or how many weddings I've been to. Or how many weddings I've been in. Or how many married friends I've helped move into their new homes. Or how many baby showers I've attended. Or how many pictures on facebook I've seen of "First Day Of School" or "First Lost Tooth" or "First Disneyland Trip". Or going to my married friends' birthday parties (or their kids' birthday parties) where I am the only single one there. Do you know the feeling of watching life happen to everyone else and you feel left behind? Like there's a big dance and everyone else has a dancing partner and you are sitting on the fold-out chair by the door, wishing you could join the dance (especially because you LOVE to dance) but you are alone.

My counselor is right. I am grieving. It might sound silly to some, but it is very real to me. I am 35 and not even dating anyone. So I don't know if I ever will be a wife, let alone a mom. The death of those dreams breaks my heart. But I have started to process what that looks like. It's definitely not the life I would have chosen for myself. But I know God has a life planned for me. A life that is fully for Him and His purposes, not my own.

And I do want that.

But right now?

Right now, it's ok to not be ok.

tissue count

This past week has sucked.

It's pretty lame timing, because my Christmas week was awesome.

But not this week. This week has sucked. Big time.

I have an amazing Christian counselor I see when things are tough. And he doesn't know this, but I have a "tissue indicator" when I visit. He always keeps a box of tissues by the couch and I can tell how good or bad I'm doing according to how many tissues I use during our hour. On a normal visit, I might use 3-4 tissues (crying, blowing my nose, etc). If it's pretty bad, I might use 6-7.

Yesterday's visit? 15 tissues.

This is a 15 tissue issue, friends.

When I'm feeling better, I'll share the story of why it's been a hard week. But for now I'll just say: You're welcome, Kleenex, Inc. I am keeping you in business.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

I have not blogged forevah because I've been enjoying the week at my parents' house. We had relatives in town from Portland and Orange County so our house has been full and lively. My highlight from this past week:

Yes, the nephews. They get cuter and cuter every time I see them. Samuel is a year and a half and Judah just turned 4. For Christmas, I got Sam one of those Say and Speak toys. Judah got a frisbee and Cookie Monster slippers.

Side note, this is true:

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and happy (early) new year!

muppet sing-along

This is what happens when we get bored at work.

Intern Scott was here!

I had a wonderful intern for a year and a half when I was leading the college group at my church. On this blog, he is affectionately referred to as "Intern Scott". Intern Scott moved to Florida in late August to become a middle school and high school pastor at a church. But this weekend, he came back to visit! We had a great time.

Friday night we (Scott, myself, and our friend Grace) went ziplining through the redwood forest at nighttime at a nearby camp. There are Christmas lights everywhere in the trees and on bridges. It's called "The Twinkle Tour" and it was very fun (but cold).

Saturday a group of us got up early and drove 40 minutes to the nearest IMAX movie theater because Scott really wanted to see The Hobbit on an imax screen. We also watched it in 3D. I am a total LOTR nerd, so I enjoyed it very much. I don't think it's giving away too much to say: 1) it has a different feel than the other LOTR movies. It's lighter, has funny moments, and focuses mostly on the dwarves (instead of elves, men, or even hobbits). But there's still some great action scenes. 2) It is LONG (go to the bathroom before you watch it). 3) I love Martin Freeman (Bilbo) and Richard Armitage (Thorin Oakenshield). There are also some familiar faces from previous LOTR movies. This is our friend's son who dressed as a hobbit (minus the furry feet).

Saturday evening we had our house's annual white elephant gift exchange. Those are always so great. Amongst this year's offerings, we had a 90's care package (including a Beverly Hills 90210 soundtrack and gold MC Hammer pants), men's soap/lotion called "Fresh Balls" (gross), and the scary 70's Jewish Tootsie librarian painting made an appearance for the 3rd year in a row. Eck.

Sunday we had a college group reunion at a local diner. Everyone loved seeing Scott. And I loved seeing everyone! Since I'm not leading the college group anymore, I miss seeing them consistently every week.

And then to put a big red bow on the weekend, our church does a big Christmas concert. This year had a Celtic theme so there were Riverdance-type dancers, Scottish bagpipers, choirs, violinists, penny whistles, a full orchestra, and a drumline. It was fantastic.

 

 Come visit us again soon, Scott!

meaning

Last year I wrote a blog post about what Christmas means to me. If you would like to read it, click here.

Happy December

Happy December to you all.

If you've been wondering why my blog posts have been so few and far between, it's because life is pretty good and consistent right now. There's not much to blog about. And to be honest, I am really enjoying this season of not having a lot going on.

I have officially been at my new job for 3 months. (If you're new to my blog, I ran the college group at my church for 7 years. Now I have a different job. We have an alternative service on Sunday mornings that meets in another building at church. We have our own worship band and watch the sermon through video feed. The room is smaller - it can hold 200 instead of 1,000 in the main sanctuary -  so it has a more intimate feel. I help run it and do all the behind-the-scenes stuff to make the service happen.)

The first month of the new job was a blur. But the last 2 months have been wonderful. I am still learning a lot, but I feel like I'm finally settling in. I love my team and the volunteers we work with. I am loving only working 30 hours a week, instead of 40. LOVING IT. I don't ever want to go back to 40 hours. I used to come home from work so tired and drained. I didn't want to do anything or see anyone. But now I come home and I have a life. I go running, I read, I go to coffee with friends. It's like a whole new world. I guess when you're in the middle of a high-stress full-time job, you don't realize how unhealthy it is. I mean, part of that is my fault for not being better disciplined and not setting better boundaries. But I can look back and see how all-consuming my job was. And now I don't feel that way. I feel good and healthy and more well-rounded. I can feel my anxiety and stress slipping away. It's amazing. Don't get me wrong - I miss my college students and seeing them every Wednesday night. But I am loving the freedom of not having the weight of a whole ministry on my shoulders anymore.

I am still going to trivia every Thursday night with my roomates and friends. We always have such a good time. And I feel smart when I know random answers. (ie. What amendment allowed women the right to vote?) Something fun I will be doing next month: scuba diving lessons! There is a scuba place about 10 minutes from my house and I've thought about taking lessons and getting certified for awhile now. I finally contacted them and I'm going for it. Along with the 4 weeks of classes we get to do 3 or 4 dives in Monterey by the Monterey Bay Aquarium. I'm really looking forward to it.

I had a wonderful time in southern Cal visiting my adorable godson the week before Thanksgiving. And then I had a great Thanksgiving with my family. Samuel, my 18 month old nephew, is just as cute as ever. He's walking and saying words and is such a lover. My nephew Judah turned 4 and for his birthday I bought him Lite Brites. Do you remember those? So fun. One of my highlights from Thanksgiving was sitting on a bed with Judah and watching "Busy Busy World" videos with him. He snuggled into me and it was just perfect. I love being an aunt.

And now it is December. I am looking forward to many things - the Christmas concerts at my church, getting our house Christmas tree and decorating it, having our annual white elephant gift exchange party, having Intern Scott come visit from Florida (where he is a youth pastor), seeing The Hobbit and Les Miserables, and spending more time with my family.

That's kind of my life in a nutshell. I am doing well. I feel healthy mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I am very thankful for that. Happy December!

I have a "type"

Over the years as I've been attracted to different men, I've often wondered...do I have a "type"?

There's the worship leader. Or the laid-back surfer. Or the strong but silent type. The tall, the blonde, the athlete, the intelligent guy, the life of the party, the high school teacher, the dark hair/light eyes combo, the bulky, the skinny, the glasses look, the outdoorsy guy, the bible study leader type, the businessman, the goofball, the freckles, the short hair, the long hair. I have found all of those to be attractive in some form or another.

But my friends, I have finally realized I have a "type".

I am attracted to tall brown-haired nerds who wear Converse.

Exhibit A: Ned the piemaker (Lee Pace) from Pushing Daisies.

Exhibit B: Chuck Bartowski (Zachary Levi) from the TV show Chuck

Exhibit C: the 10th doctor (David Tennant) from the BBC show Doctor Who

(After having many friends tell me about it, I have recently become obsessed with Doctor Who. I am currently at the end of Season 3.)

So I guess what I'm saying is if you're reading this and you're a tall nerdy guy with brown hair...buy a pair of Chuck Taylors and come on over.

thankful

On the eve of Thanksgiving, here are some things I am thankful for (in no particular order):

My parents, sisters, nephews, new godson Cody, my amazing friends, my house with fun roomates, my job, church, health, SF Giants, laughter, sun, rain, the way I feel after I go running, dogs, Disneyland, hot chocolate, holidays, deep breaths, sleep, music, good books, the ocean, redwood trees, talking, silence, fresh air, seasons, learning new things every day, dancing, movies, Hawaii, good food, sunsets.

And most of all, I am thankful for Jesus. Because of him, I know what true love is. Because of him, I am forgiven, changed, and have hope for tomorrow.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all.

-Sarah

My godson, Cody

May I introduce my 10-week-old godson, Cody.

I have been in Southern Cal all week spending time with this little munchkin.

I don't want to come home.

I don't want to leave this face!

sunsets

Sometimes you just need to go outside when the sun is setting.

And watch it set.

And breathe in.

And breathe out.

And thank God for this life.

voting

I love voting.

It's a great feeling.

Like freedom and democracy and honor and pride for my country all wrapped up together.

I feel blessed to live in America where we have the freedom to vote and make our voices heard.

my 3 favorite kids

I love kids and their Halloween costumes. May I share the costumes of my 3 favorite kiddos?

1) Judah, nephew, almost 4 years old. A fireman.

2) Samuel, nephew, 1 year and 5 months old. A candy rapper. (Get it? Candy (w)rapper?)

3) Cody, godson, 2 months old. He actually had two costumes and they are both awesome.

Lobster

Mickey

we are the champions

*cue the Queen song*

"Weeeeee are the champions, my friends..... And weeeeeee'll keep on fiiiightin' till the enddddddd...."

I haven't been blogging because my life has been consumed by work and watching baseball. And it is with great pride that I announce THE SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS HAVE WON THE WORLD SERIES! The second time in 3 years. I can barely stand it.

Tomorrow, I am heading up to SF with 1 million people to watch all the players ride down Market Street in trolley cars for a ticker tape parade. I've got to go to bed because we're getting up super early to BART in. Yeah!!

busy October

Life is busy. Good busy. But busy. I'm actually looking forward to November when things will calm down.

2 quick things to mention:

* Things at work are going really well. I am 2 months into my new job and am enjoying it more and more. Still learning a lot. But it's been a really good couple of weeks.

* Tomorrow I am going to Game 7 of the NLCS (National League Championship Series). The SF Giants and St. Louis Cardinals are tied 3 games to 3 games. Whoever wins tomorrow night goes to THE WORLD SERIES. The ballpark is going to be cah-razy and I can't wait to be a part of it!